Fathers Day Forgiveness

The first time I met my father was in court! Was 13 years old at the time living with my grandmother who adopted and raised me since birth. She was a good woman who worked countless hours so we could have some basics. Will never forget when the judge asked my father if I was his child and he said he did not know! Was heart shattering to say the least but the fact was, he did not know and was never informed of my presence on the planet. He made a genuine attempt to know me but I ended up in an orphanage shortly after our meeting and never seen him again. My grandmother was dying from cigarettes and I had nowhere else to go so I was fortunate enough to be placed somewhere relatively safe with a promise of a  future.

When we are young it is difficult to understand certain things. I held on to anger and resent toward him and my mother who was practically non-existent in my life which partially fueled the fire of escapism through addiction. As time went on I was able to see more clearly and find understanding and ultimately forgiveness toward both of them. Forgiveness was the most liberating thing in my life! It freed up much needed energy to begin other aspects of healing that were much needed. I do not believe in accidents, the Universe knows what it is doing and we are extension of that awesome force of creation. We are participants and choose certain experiences before entering the body. As we zoom out certain things that appear to be pure evil on the surface take on different meanings. Although we may only be able to comprehend small portions of it at a time, it is important to ultimately trust the bigger picture even when we lack clarity. Does not mean we ignore and deny the horrors of WHAT IS.

So, I share this for those who may be struggling on this fathers day to seek understanding and forgiveness toward fathers who have appeared to make bad decisions. The sooner one can forgive and release stagnate resentful energy, the sooner one can utilize the energy for something more meaningful and useful in life, plus you will feel better. There is a movie I watched during this time called “Forgiving Doctor Mengele” that inspired me to search deep into my soul for understanding and forgiveness. I highly recommend it if you are struggling with any of these types of issues. After watching, I thought to myself, if this woman can forgive the horrors inflicted upon her I can forgive! Interestingly enough around that time I met a kind sweet old woman who had the Auschwitz tattoos on her arm! I asked her if she was in the camps and she said yes. We talked for a long time, when I asked her how can she be so kind and sweet after all of that she said she forgave!